However, despite my ability to take pleasure in tiny things and a distant future, I am starting to hate the way things are in the "big picture" that my life has become. My life has become staler than a box of Corn Pops left open for three days (and if you haven't had those before, trust me, they're pretty stale). My life is nothing but the same routine, day after day: I wake up, I go to school, I stay after school for some random activity, I come home, I stay home, and I sleep, only to wake up the next day and begin the cycle. It is so very, very difficult to stay motivated when that is how you live. Jesus Christ, I need variation. Yes, there are the little things that grab my attention and make me happy and I can sit around and dream about the future all day, but unless my life undergoes some monmumental change NOW, I will go fucking nuts. I need to meet some new person, or get reaquainted with some old person I've overlooked, or get a new job, or move to a new place, or run around naked without a care in the world, or SOMETHING, but I must do it now. Unfortunately, I've grown so accustomed to life throwing things at me that I've lost nearly any ability to go out and get such things myself. God-mother-fucking-damn-it.
Man was never meant to be brought into this world, only to rise through it in four-year intervals where he restarts his status at each (Elementary School, Middle School, High School, College, Graduate School, and god knows how many career changes), only to eventually end up and stay stuck in middle management. But, like it or not, we must admit that this is where at least 70% of us will eventually end up. Those who do eventually end as CEO's or the leaders of America will eventually become stale as well, like "Kirby" in "You Can't Take it With You" or any other number of character stereotypes. They'll sit around and enjoy the simpler, finer things - country clubs, tea time, orchards, bonsais, or what-ever-the-hell-it-is - but the "big picture" will be staler than a box of Corn Pops left open for three YEARS. And all the while, they'll know that something's amiss, but they will be so used to their success that they will not have the power to take the initiative to change the way things are. They will stay high up, middle management will stay down, and humanity will continue to be as it always is, in a state of absolute suckage with an occasional innovation here and there which will grow stale as well, as humanity is run by governments twiddling around, serving their own interests, exclusively, thus leading the world to hell, only hell won't exist, because God and Satan and all other spiritual punishments are crap crafted by the man millenia ago to keep us down, while diverting our interests from the true purpose and reasons of any spirituality, forcing us to become a society driven exclusively by science and what can be proven by man, leaving all of us with an instinctive feeling of emptiness and despair.
God damn nihilism. Set me free.