It certainly helps that many of the drinks really aren't all that different. A Girl Scout Cookie is nothing more than a Grasshopper in a different glass, on the rocks. A Dirty Girl Scout (which, along with a Harvey Wallbanger, will be one of the few drinks I ever plan on ordering, because I love the novelty of it and because it tastes of creamy, chocolate-peppermint) is the same as a Girl Scout Cookie, only the light Creme de Cacao is replaced with a dark Creme de Cacao.
A Cape Codder, Seabreeze, Baybreeze and Madrass are all simply vodka and cranberry juice with nothing, grapefruit juice, pineapple juice, and orange juice added, respectively.
Balance pineapple juice with vodka and melon liqueur to make a Pearl Harbor. Top that off with a bit of grenadine and you've got yourself a Watermelon. Replace the grenadine with chambord and you have a Sex on the Beach. Replace the melon liqueur with peach schnapps and you have a New York Sex on the Beach.
I can make a Martini or a Manhattan anyway you like it (for pure yum factor, I recommend a White Chocolate Martini with chilled vanilla stolichnaya and godiva white chocolate liqueur). B4, I'm not sure if the duck quacks but I can make a Duck Fart; I am intimately familiar with the Brothers Collins (John, Tom, and Mike) and I heed the wisdom of the Three Wise Men (Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Old Grand Dad). If you'd like to discuss politics after your meal, I can sit you down with Ronal Reagan. Even later in the evening, I can help you get cozy Between the Sheets through a French Connection with the help of a Blowjob or a Sloe Comfortable Screw from a Red Headed Slut or a Dirty White Mother or from, for the ladies (and Erik), Jack Rose, Tom and Jerry, or the Godfather (not nearly as derogatory, I know).
I can do it, nine times, even, if you need me to. This whole world has sort of opened up, and I'm psyched to walk in.
Speaking of psyched, I read another 100 pages of Kavalier and Clay, and I plan on reading even more this evening. Holy fucking christ, this book is amazing. I can handle a 300, maybe 400 page book with relative ease, but it takes a very talented writer to hold my attention for anything longer than that, and I can clearly see that Chabon's 600+ page book will do that. The last time I stumbled upon a book that could do this was the summer before Junior year while reading Shogun (1200+ pages, if my memory serves me correctly); I simply couldn't with LOTR (I got maybe 3/4 of the way through the first book, where there was this one part where Tolkien went on and on for pages about the family history of this one dwarf, and I couldn't stand to pick it up again after that). War and Peace wasn't bad, but it wasn't captivating enough for me to be willing to drop the other things I was doing to go on with it (plus, the whole Russian naming system where every character has four or so rather distinct names made it more difficult than I'd like to figure out who the fuck Tolstoy was talking about at any given moment, especially with the number of characters W&P actually had)... perhaps someday, but not anytime soon. House of Leaves came long before Shogun, but I don't know if I should count that since its length comes primarily from its crazy layout and its story could easily be stuffed into a much smaller book (but that wouldn't be any fun at all).
... but anyway.
I'm considering recreating a new but equally marvelous template, but I'm not sure it's worth the effort. Feel free to leave thoughts on the matter. Meanwhile, drinks to learn and pages to read, so off I go for now.